Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
