Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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