kristin has been a bad kristin
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
