dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
