oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
