You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
this is an emotional support booty call
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
