next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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