Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
