Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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