So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
