something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
