saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Help. Why am I so naked?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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