you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
