Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
this hospital has no fireball
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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