and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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