if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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