I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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