Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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