I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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