Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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