I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
