So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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