I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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