can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
