Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
