So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
