There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
