Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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