She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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