Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
