if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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