haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
