goodnight i made you a song goodbye
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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