i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
