I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
