You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
