Redeem this text for a blowjob
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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