At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
