your thong is hanging out like whoa
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
