so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
