Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
