i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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