Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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