YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
