Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
