alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
