Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
