My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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