oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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