After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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