none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
