Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
