Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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