Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
